Day 23

Today’s Takeaway: Try something new to make today suck less.

I’m having a helluva time giving in to being sick. Of course it’s happening on a really busy weekend for us. I can’t coach basketball, I can’t take Luke to a birthday party, I can’t attend my bowling league tonight. On top of everything I haven’t been able to eat ANYTHING in 48hours! I miss solid food so much.

I know I’m being a dramatic brat, but I’ve only had a few times in my life where I haven’t been able to power through. My body has literally stopped functioning properly and it’s frustrating as all hell! Now I could switch on my positive self and turn this into an insightful lesson for you all. Tell you this is the universe teaching me to listen to my body. How I’m taking the cues not to be such a control freak. Everything will not fall apart without me.

Yeah, I’m not gonna do that today.

Why? Because that’s fake as hell. The real me today needs to express where my mind goes when I’m feeling out of control. My brain tells me - “Everything will fall apart without you! The kids will look like orphans, the house will be a disaster, the laundry will pile up, Sean will be resentful that he has to do it all, your blog post is gonna suck…here comes the self-doubt - Maybe I shouldn’t be writing this? Who am I? What do I have to share? Nobody wants to hear you? You suck!”

This is a day inside my head and THAT is important to share. Because for some this might sound like the rantings of a mad-woman, but I know there others nodding along in agreement right now.

This is the kind of reaction I’m trying to change about myself. It’s why I started this blog. I don’t have this all figured out. Just because I have decided to share this journey with a global audience doesn’t mean I’m going to undergo this radical transformation by the end of it. I’m taking this day by day like the rest of you. Hopefully that’s more good days than bad, but today is one of those bad days.

What I will say is sharing these thoughts instead of letting them swirl around my head has had a much more powerful impact on dismissing them, than I ever anticipated.

So maybe that’s the takeaway today…for those who can relate with this insane negative self-talk, maybe try not to swallow it so much? Posting it, writing it down, talking to someone, screaming…whatever way feels best to you, try something new to deal with it today. And remember no matter what you do, you’re trying and that’s good enough. ♥️