Day 22
Today’s Takeaway: Being sick vs. Mom guilt. The ultimate battle.
My kids gave me a fantastic gift yesterday… the mother of all stomach bugs! Folks, I haven’t been this sick since I got food poisoning from bad sushi 10 years ago! There is a VERY significant change in circumstance from then to now.
THEN, I was young, single, in much better shape, and most importantly, had no one to care for but myself. I was able to stay in bed, watch the Price is Right and wait till the storm passed.
NOW, the day has to proceed as normal while I drag my ass through it. If the boys aren’t sick, I don’t feel like I can be sick either. Honestly, it would literally take me passing out in the kitchen to stop me from getting through our morning routine. Even then I would probably come to and inquire if anyone needed anything.
It made me wonder, why do we do this to ourselves as moms? I mean, I feel like I’m slowly dying but I outright refuse to let Sean cook their breakfast. Why?!
I know why…because the guilt of not being able “to mom,” is worse than any flu. I mean on regular mornings I guilt myself for staying in bed too long, never mind the horror of having to ask my husband for help. It’s not like Sean doesn’t ask either. He’s always amazing when I’m under the weather. Offering to stay home from work, makes me tea, calls a 1000x to make sure I’m drinking fluids and eating. I think he would be over the moon if I actually waved the white flag. But noooo when I’m sick I feel the mom/partner guilt 10x more than on regular days. My high-functioning anxiety goes into hyper-drive and the negative self talk is running a marathon in my head.
“You’re not that sick you wimp! Get up you have dishes to do, lunches to make and laundry to wash.”
“You can’t let the kids see you this weak.”
“Seans going to hate you for leaving him to cook dinner.”
“Everybody is depending on you and you’re dropping the ball.”
So to combat it, what do I do? I can assure you it’s not what I should do. I power through. Go about my normal day and never let anyone know I’m human.
Well, on this sabbatical I swore to make MANY changes to my pitiful self-care practices, or lack there of. The first step here is recognizing that quietly throwing up in the bathroom, shaking it off and going out to make dinner for your family…is not f*%king normal.
So I’m going to say this openly for the moms, like me, who need to hear it - Sit your ass down! Take a freaking nap! Stop thinking the world is going to end if you order pizza tonight! The truth is, if you just accept defeat and ask for help, you will be back to being the super-mom you ALWAYS are, sooner than if you continue to just get by. We’re not robots and no one is expecting us to be. You’re doing this to yourself!
Okay, now that that’s out and I’ve jump started the positive self-talk in my head, it’s time to repeat it over and over until I actually buy it.
This is going to be a long day. 🤦♀️😂
