Day 17
Today’s Takeaway: Being a mom was the greatest gift I was never supposed to get.
All of my posts so far have centered around what I want to do with, why I took and what I hope to take away from this sabbatical. Well, we haven’t even begun to scratch the surface of one of my biggest “whys”… my kids.
I have two boys, Ben & Luke. I like to refer to them as my old soul and my new soul. Ben is the old soul…he’s wise beyond his years, empathetic, thoughtful, athletic, a brilliant negotiator and confidently soft spoken. He’s very much like my husband. ♥️
Luke on the other hand, this is his first time here. 😂 He’s a brand-spanking new soul! He’s bold, smart as a whip, curious, fearless, friendly and a super animated extrovert. Wonder who he takes after?! 🤦♀️ ❤️
They are both incredibly different animals in the most splendid, amazing ways. It floors me daily to see them suck up the world like sponges. It’s an incredibly rewarding thing to be a mom.
It’s also terrifying, anxiety-ridden, exhausting, frustrating and there are days where I don’t think I will be able to do it again. Before my choice to take sabbatical I was consistently running on empty. Putting only 1/2 of myself into everything I was doing, including being a mom. Answering emails during bedtime routine, snapping at them because I was too stressed to function, letting their iPads babysit for waaaay more time than I am proud to admit. That’s not the mom I want to, or KNOW I’m capable of being. They deserve better than that. I deserve better than that.
I know I’m being hard on myself. I just got through a very real cancer scare and narrowly escaped true burnout. My kids are not neglected. They have clothes on their back, food in their bellies and know they are loved beyond measure. It’s enough right?
Not for me. A big theme presenting itself on this sabbatical is achieving true work/life balance for when I return. I’ve talked about self-care practices, setting boundaries and safeguarding my time…well, who am I doing that for other than myself?
So for me, this sabbatical will also include
learning to really shut-off when it’s quitting time; Not multi-tasking during bonding moments; sticking with the no-phones at dinner rule; and just being f-ing present for these amazing miracles I’m lucky enough to have.
Being a mom is the greatest gift I was never supposed to get and I’m going to make sure they always know it.
Love to all the mamas out there. I see you and you’re doing great! ❤️
