Day 6
Today’s Takeaway: Being a “human being” instead of a “human doing,” is f$&king hard!
Today was the first day there was nothing I “had” to be doing. Nothing but time…And I couldn’t have felt more uncomfortable! 🤦♀️
My brain was in a constant state of anxiousness. Flashing every little thing I could be doing like a news reel.
“Laundry needs to get done - you could hang all the pictures you always think about - house needs to be cleaned - rearrange the furniture in the office - binge some tv - start your novel - cure cancer - SAVE THE WORLD!”
This feeling is not new to me. I’m 99% sure I have undiagnosed ADHD. My mind NEVER turns off! Always on to the next thing, and probably thinking 3 things ahead of what I’m currently doing. By the time my day comes to a close I’m drained.
Now you’re probably waiting for the speech right?
“Okay Liz, now preach to us about how you’ve learned all these tools to calm your brain and accomplish being still, right?”
Hell no! I’m freaking terrible at this!
As you see from my “I coulds,” there is nothing listed about HEALTHY self-care exploration. That’s because I have another list running simultaneously to the “I coulds.”
The “I shoulds” list.
“I should search for a therapist - do some meditation - try breathing techniques - take a walk - exercise - take a masterclass on mindfulness…”
Literally ANYTHING that would better my current state of mind, never even hits the top 10.
What usually happens is I give in to any number of the “I coulds,” end up falling down the rabbit hole into some project or task and hyper focusing on it for HOURS. I mean for some things, like my job, it’s GREAT! I’m super productive & I get shit done. I’ve always been able to use it as a strength. But long term? Not sustainable for good mental health.
So today I made a change! It was small, and you might shake your head and think, “Ummm, okaayy?”
As the news reel started running I sat in my bed and did shit about it for almost 20mins! 😂
I didn’t sleep, or scroll through my phone, I didn’t turn on the tv, or boredom eat. I just sat there. As uncomfortable as it was, as much as I wanted to just keep moving - I took a very important step towards feeling what it’s like to actually be in the moment. Feel that anxiety, accept it would always be there, and try not to give in to it. Instead, I made a conscious effort to decide what I actually “wanted” to do. Not what I “could be” doing, or “should be” doing, what I WANTED to be doing.
So you know what I did?
The laundry. 🫠
Yeahhh, I know, I know. What can I say? Rome wasn’t built in a day, and I’m not going to solve 40 years of bad habits in 20mins. But, I tried and that’s what counts. For anyone this takeaway resonates with, I encourage you to try. It’s going to suck and you’re going to be counting every second. Probably after it you’ll just go back to being a human doing…
But maybe you won’t. Just maybe you won’t.
Good luck! 🍀❤️
